Am I Abnormal? When Being Quiet Is Mistaken for Being Broken

I recently received a phone call from one of my former students that made me stop and reflect deeply. It was in the evening, shortly after the sunset prayer. He wanted to know whether he was normal or abnormal and he felt I was the only person who could help him answer that question, because I knew him well enough.

He explained that some of his classmates in college had begun labelling him as antisocial, selfish, even a misfit. Not because of anything harmful he had done, but because they did not understand him.

What hurt most was not the labels themselves, but the fact that he was beginning to carry them. Slowly, almost unconsciously, he was on the verge of submitting to a story about himself that was never his to begin with.

When Difference Starts to Feel Dangerous

What confused him most was this: he did interact with people. He chatted with everyone. He was even the class representative and a popular one at that.

Yet he did not have a close or best friend among them.

In group settings, he often lost interest in the topics of discussion and would quietly excuse himself. There was no hostility, no withdrawal just disengagement.

Still, the labels unsettled him.

Over time, normal began to mean something very specific in his mind: going with the flow, liking what the crowd liked, disliking what they disliked, following trends, staying socially immersed even when nothing meaningful was happening.

The real fear did not come from solitude.
It came from misalignment.

His interests did not always match those of the crowd and that difference began to scare him. What if this means something is wrong with me?

That is how quiet self-doubt is born.

The Shift: Asking the Right Questions

I began with a simple question.

“Do you feel abnormal?”

“No,” he answered.

“Do you feel left out? Like you’re missing out?”

“No.”

“Do you feel uncomfortable being alone?”

“No. I’m actually comfortable.”

So I reflected it back to him.

“So you feel normal but you’re troubled because others think you are different?”

“Yes.

That was the heart of it.

I told him calmly, “You are very normal, my boy. What people are questioning is not your wellbeing but their understanding of you.”

Difference is not dysfunction.
Quiet is not a disorder.
Selectivity is not selfishness.

“You are not broken,” I said. “You are simply introverted.”

And something softened not because I added a label, but because I removed a burden.

When Normal Is Redefined by the Crowd

I explained to him that it is perfectly okayand perfectly human to be different.

Seeing things differently, having preferences that don’t always align with the crowd, is not a defect. Often, it is a sign of depth. Such people tend to be more observant, more reflective, more critical in their thinking. They are often emotionally steadier because they do not drift easily with every social current.

“This,” I told him gently, “is rare.”

What he was carrying was not something to fix but something to understand.

A gift to cherish, not dread.

A Gentle Psychological Truth

Not everyone is wired for constant social immersion. Some people are social but selective. They connect meaningfully, not frequently. That is a personality style not a pathology.

Trouble begins when difference is mistaken for deficiency and when young people start measuring their worth against crowd-defined normalcy.

That is not growth.
That is quiet erosion of the self.

A Gentle Islamic Anchor

Islam reminds us that human diversity is intentional, not accidental:

“And among His signs is the diversity of your languages and your colors.” (Qur’an 30:22)

Difference is not an error in creation. It is a sign.

And the tradition teaches us that worth is not measured by visibility, popularity, or social conformity but by inner states, sincerity, and alignment.

Final Word

If you are quiet, selective, or often misunderstood, know this:

It is okay to be different.
It is okay to be comfortable in your own skin.

When people doubt you and make you doubt yourself, remember this:
The One who created you never doubted you from the beginning.

You were created uniquely, intentionally, and meaningfully.
And you are worthy not because the crowd approves of you,
but because you were made exactly as you are.

Do not surrender your self-understanding to those who do not understand you.

You are not abnormal.
You are not broken.
You are human and that is enough.